Similes

Still cleaning out My Docs and found this one. Can’t resist sharing with so many of you who write. No idea where this came from. Five or six years old at least.

    Each year, English teachers submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors (similes?) found in high school essays.

    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides    gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

   5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like…whatever.

   7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

   8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surchargeat a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

     11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.

   12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

     13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

     18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

     19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

     20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land  mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

  24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

   25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

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About Bruce Louis Dodson

Bruce Louis Dodson is an American expat now living in Borlänge, Sweden with his wife, cat and dog. He is an artist and world traveler who writes fiction and poetry and practices photography in his less than copious free time. His work has appeared in: Barely South Review - Boundaries Issue, Blue Collar Review, Pulsar Poetry (UK), Foliate Oak, Breadline Press West Coast Anthology . The E-buffet, Qarrtsiluni, Struggle Magazine, Pearl Literary Magazine, Contemporary Literature Review: India, 3rd Wednesday, Sleeping Cat Books - Trip of a Lifetime Anthology, Northern Liberties Review, Authors Abroad - Foreign & and Far Away Anthology, The Path, Page & Spine, The Crucible, Sleeping Cat Books -Trips of a Lifetime, Vine Leaves, Pirene's Fountain,Tic Toc Anthology - Kind of a Hurricane Press, Cordite Poetry Review, Buffalo Almanac and mgv2.
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12 Responses to Similes

  1. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    now those were real belly laughable ones!…
    some a little weird but I still laughed ….omgosh that must mean I am weird!
    Thanks Bruce…too funny….a good share….
    Take Care…
    )0(
    maryrose

    • bldodson says:

      Lady,

      Really!
      I couldn’t stop laughing.Been years since I’d seen that one.

      • LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

        they were really good…
        did something to my mind LOLs..made me write a little different than I usually do…
        I hope all is going well in your part of the world…
        Take Care..
        )0(
        maryrose

      • bldodson says:

        Lady,
        Yeah, re: writing. I would like Buckminster to do some of those. It could be fun. Don’t know if I could ever match those that were on the list I posted.

  2. authorjim says:

    Keep on cleaning house! I like what you are finding. I especially liked #20 and #23.
    Jim

  3. Angelene says:

    Saw these first thing this morning. Made my day 🙂

  4. I needed that. Thanks for a great laugh.

  5. Cleaning your house is a laugh a minute, Bruce
    What awesome young minds, filled with creativity and poetry !!!!

    • bldodson says:

      Valerie,
      Really. And so hard for the more sophisticated mind to come up with.
      I would like Bucks to use similes like those and have been unable to come up with anything near that clever or funny.

  6. catnipoflife says:

    OMG 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 Can’t stop laughing 😆

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